My youngest is sitting up on her own, now has a sippy cup and is making terrible messes with her baby cookies. They grow so fast. I am trying to live in her moments as much as I can. While she is my sixth baby, I find that I am able to appreciate my time with her so much more than I remember doing with all of my others. This could be for a number of reasons; I am older now and realize that these moments simply don't last nearly long enough, I am nursing for the very first time and there is such a sense of accomplishment in that and I attribute that to her, she is my last, my very last baby. Once she has passed infancy I won't get to experience this again. That is a extremely sobering fact for me.
I have to now create a new stage of my life. One where I am home with my children even when maternity leave is over. For months I have been working towards opening a small bakery/coffee shop in the small town I live in. In this small town there is ZERO space for commercial growth. My only hope was to take over a grocery store that was considering closure. I have been squirreling away my money, testing recipes, making plans and getting my hopes up. Yesterday, the owner called and said that he had been approved for a loan he has been trying to get and is going to keep the store open.
~Damn~
While this is wonderful news for him and for the community should he succeed, I am feeling very let down. I am trying my best to move past it without dwelling on what could have been, but it's difficult. So for now I'll put my focus back into my home and my routine (or lack of) with my family. I am re-energized and ready to take on the budget, the menu, the discord between me and my oldest girl, and every item still requiring my attention. It's gonna be alot, but it should keep me busy until I come up with my next big grand scheme.
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